For as long as I can remember, which is back to the beginning of primary school I have always been really socially awkward. I think I was probably born quiet and shy but also my experiences in primary school definitely did not help. So to this day I get social anxiety. I thought I would share a list of what being socially awkward means to me...

I'm terrible at making new friends

This is probably one of the things I am worst at in life, which sucks because I believe it's one of the most important skills to have. For as long as I remember, I have been so bad at making new friends. I had one friend through the whole of primary school and I'm not really sure how I got her, we just kinda clung to each other on our first day of school and never let go. Into secondary school and university and nothing changed. This sounds so sad but I honestly had very few (if any at times) friends throughout. I have no idea why, but I find it so hard to get passed the chit chat stage and into the friendship, going out and doing things together stage. 

I hate small talk

I'm glad to say that I've gotten better at this since I starting working. I actually don't mind making small talk in the canteen with my work colleagues now but back in my school days I just could not do it. I would panic over what to say and feel like whatever I did say would sound really stupid, I usually just succumbed to awkward silences. Even though I have got better at this, there are certain situations I still hate doing small talk. Y'know, like that chit chat with your hair dresser or your taxi driver, ugh even thinking of it now breaks me out in a sweat.

I hate large groups of people

Being in a large social group is my worst nightmare. For example, whenever I've been on a night out with like 6+ people around a table all socialising together, I become a dummy. I cannot speak. No seriously, I physically cannot contribute to the conversation. On nights out, I need to have a partner. One friend to stick with. One I can turn to and chat to when I'm feeling awkward. I hate going 'on my own' and just talking to everyone as a group or mixing around with different people.

I don't like attention being on me

I feel like this is very closely related to my last point because the reason I don't like talking to large groups of people is because I don't like so many peoples attention to be on me. I will try to avoid it at all costs. I'm the person who sits in the corner chatting to the person next to her. I'm not the girl who's the life of the party and sharing stories and jokes with 10+ people, I  just can't deal. 

So there we have it, 4 reasons why I'm socially awkward. You might have guessed I'm a bit of an introvert! If you ever feel like this too I would love to hear from you because sometimes I am convinced that I am just really odd and everyone else is outgoing and cool. Please reassure me that I'm not a loser! 

Sinéad x

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