I'm back | I've been struggling with life
Hello everyone! Remember me? I can't believe I haven't written a blog post since the beginning of February. Truth being told I simply haven't felt inspired to. If I'm honest I haven't been feeling too inspired in many aspects of my life over the past couple of months. Life has been pretty tough for me since we last spoke.
One thing that has been a bit shitty is that my boyfriend and I broke up at the end of January. No regrets, I know it's the right decision for me and that he isn't the one, I deserve a lot better. But knowing all this makes the fact that I still feel sad about it now, in April, even worse. I just can't seem to shift the feeling of being let down. Every day I'm seeing friends glorious relationships online and wondering why my boyfriend couldn't have treated me the way theirs treat them. It makes me wonder what is wrong with me and why wasn't I deserving of being loved that way.
Being single also has me feeling so lonely these past few months. I'm someone who loves being in a relationship. I enjoy having that one companion to confide in, do things and go places with. I hate not having 'a person'. The past couple of weeks I've been jumping on Tinder trying to find someone to fill that emptiness. I know it's not the best idea and that I should try to be happy on my own, and that I don't need a man blah blah blah. I'm pretty angry with myself for feeling like I need a man to be happy but you can't change the way you feel!
As if my pathetic love life wasn't enough my work life has been in the dumps too. I'm not doing what I went to university for and so I feel like a failure and like I wasted time studying. I hate talking about this because I always try to stay positive and just be glad I have a job but if I'm to be brutally honest I really don't enjoy my job. It's not that it's too hard or the people I work with aren't mostly lovely. The problem is that it tires me out so much. I have no energy what so ever after 9 hours in work. This sucks because it means I don't have the energy to do anything I enjoy when I come home. I just get up, go to work, come home and plonk on the sofa until bed time. This is the reason I haven't been blogging, I just have nothing left in me after work. It stresses me out and fatigues me so much.
Not doing anything but working and sleeping has me feeling so empty and unfulfilled. Most days I don't have the energy to do the things I love like going for a walk, taking photos, painting or blogging and hence I don't feel like me. I just feel like a robot.
Last Thursday in work I felt so exhausted and stressed out by the end of the day that I had a panic attack and couldn't stop crying I had to go home an hour early. The only time I feel relaxed and like 'me' is at the weekend. I got some WellWoman supplements today and I'm hoping they will help me out with my energy problem because I really don't know what to do.
I'm just so scared and anxious at the moment about my future because I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing with my life or where it is going.
I'm sorry for the extremely moany post, a terrible re-introduction to blogging I know but writting is my therapy and this has helped clear my thoughts for me a little bit.
If you have any advice for me I would really appreciate it! if you don't, maybe just let me know that I'm not the only one who is struggling with life, I think I need that reminder.
Hopefully I sort my health and energy out and I feel motivated to blog a little more because blogging really is something I love and miss in my life. And I miss chatting to you guys!