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Quitting the blogging game

I remember when I first starting blogging over three years ago. Back then I had no idea about the 'blogging life' you know; the beautiful flat-lays, #ootds, owning 100 lipsticks and reviewing artsy cafes. I'm sure that blogging lifestyle was a thing back then too but I wasn't yet exposed to it. I thought a blog was simply like an online diary where I would document my thoughts and days and upload photos to keep as memories. 

I knew that other people might see my blog and comment on it and I liked the idea of that. I liked the idea of having discussions with people about my thoughts and what I love, I thought it would be cool to make some like-minded friends. 

However, as time went on I started following more and more blogs and I quickly became to realise that blogging wasn't really that simple. It's so much more than an online journal, and for me, that's not in a good way. 

Now when I think of blogging one of the main words that pops to mind is 'competition' and I hate that. I feel like everyone is trying to be better than everyone else. Everyone wants to have the sleekest blog with the most aesthetically pleasing photographs and of course the most followers and comments. But it goes beyond that, I feel like everyone is trying to show other bloggers and the world that their life is perfect, everyone wants to be the most aspirational. If you're Instagram feed doesn't have a theme your failing at that!

Instead of making friends through blogging it seems like we are supposed to make 'fans' people who think you're amazing and view you as #goals. 

Throughout my years of blogging I have found myself trying to play that 'blogging game' and in all honesty... I can't do it! It's a game I'm always going to lose. And here's why...

  1. The other day I bought a NYX lipstick that I ADORE so I thought I would review it on my blog, then I thought I need to buy at least 3 more shades from the line if I want to be taken seriously... I mean what proper blogger reviews just one shade right?! But the fact is, I don't like any other colour and I do not want to waste my money on lipsticks I don't need or particularly want for the sake of being accepted by people I've never met... so fack that! 
  2. I don't have the money to drop €300 in ASOS just so I can do lots of #ootd posts for my blog and Instagram, and I don't have the interest either! 
  3. I don't have the patience or the eye to create a beautiful Instagram feed, I just want to upload what I want when I want!
  4. I don't have gorgeous props and fake flowers for flat-lays and when I ever try to take such photos the darn lighting is never right. 
  5. I don't have the time or tbh the shits to give to put in the effort to try and grow my social media platforms.
  6. That photo above is rubbish! Those clothes hanging on the door... no no no!
  7. It would take me a minimum of 8 months to collect enough items to do a decent haul post.
  8. I'm just not cool enough. 

I wish I could go back to the innocent days when I thought blogging was so much simpler. To be honest, I feel intimidated by blogging right now and that's why I haven't gone near this site for a month, I just feel like nothing I have to write about is worthy, or that it wouldn't compare to anyone else's. I think *what is the point* when I don't have a thousand page views a day. 

This makes me so sad. I wish I could feel comfortable here, and didn't feel like I have to compete, I just wish I could be real and open but I find that so hard, because I'm not perfect and it feels like you have to be pretty close to perfect to have a good blog. 

By the way, I didn't intend for this post to offend any bloggers. I love all you girls who have amazing blogs and who present their life and style so beautifully, It's awesome and I love following you and scrolling through your gorgeous insta's. I know you are not being fake, you just have a talent for showing the best. I'm not complaining about you or saying you're not genuine, I'm just trying to say in this post that I don't think I'm a blogger who can participate in it all, I'm simply not cool enough..ha! I just want to be the raw mess that is meeee.

So I hereby pledge to do just that. I'm going to do what comes naturally to me, I'm not going to force anything or hold back a post that I think isn't good enough, If I get that perfect insta shot then great and if my followers grow that's wonderful... but I'm going to try and not worry about how good I'm doing compared to everyone else... I just want to do what makes me happy. 

I would love to know you're thoughts and opinions on this in the comment section, do you feel the same way?

Sinéad xo
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